Back to School Fuckers

I think I might go to the most outrageous college on this planet. Scratch that. I pay to go to the most outrageous college on this planet.

Needless to say, there was an influx of somewhat-chubby (I'm being nice here) girls wearing shirts and dresses with back cutouts paired with ripped stockings and those out of style, overworn Steve Madden's excuse of combat boots... or Chucks. Now, do I need to see your back fat? Your horrible tan from wearing a one-piece all summer? No thanks, sweetie. I'd rather you put a brush through your hair, but since you probably can't see how haneous you look from behind, how could anyone else, right!?

As these girls fugly sluts trickle into my classes, populating about 90% of it, leaving the only two boys in the room to be oogled at by just about everyone till they open their mouths. Don't get me wrong, gays are a girls best friend (the smart ones at least), but those trill, high-pitched, exaggerated voices send me into a frenzy. It takes a lot for me to not punch them in the larynx... what is coming out of your mouth is SERIOUSLY what your voice box is solely producing? Yeah Fucking Right. And as for the silent ones.. I don't even need to look twice at the dude with a multicolored mohawk sporting lime green eyelashes and a fur cape (yes it's AUGUST) because clearly, he's fucking psychotic. Forget even questioning his sexuality at this point. I mean, HELLO, I got stuck deciding between a "Men's" and "Gender Inclusive" bathroom.. who the fuck has to do that?

 And just wait till you hear the names..

Astrid. Sage. Esther. Monet. MONET? Is that some nickname you made up while making your "Future Board" with your mother drinking Pinot spiked with benzos? You'll never be a famous artist, sweetie, nobody likes your creations of cardboard glued on cardboard. Haven't you seen Gallery Girls? Your shit isn't even worth at End of Century, and those girls sell fucking wood frames and call it art.

I mean, it's only the first day, I shouldn't be freaking out. But still I find myself picking up (multiple) applications in the study abroad office because A) it's my senior year and I'm over this cracked out costume party we call The New School and B) I can study in Amsterdam so really is it a quesiton? New York City is the best place in the world, FACT, but the truth remains-- New School is a combination of hipsters, wannabe hipsters, rich/clueless chode looking Jewish girls from Jersey, and asylum escapees.